Daddy Doms and little girls
The other day we were talking to another couple and they asked about our relationship. I answered back that we were Daddy Dom/little girl and that didn’t register so I said “it’s like a D/s relationship, but different.”
“Different in what way?” was the response.
Well that one stumped me. In the ego bastion of my inner mind, I should be able to come back with any number of inspired and subtle answers that would immediately clarify the situation, and then we’d all sip martinis and fuck like rabid weasels or something. But instead I was brought to a halt.
It would be easy to dismiss the whole thing as “you either get it or you don’t” but it’s not that simple. There is obviously some set of norms that make up the whole Daddy Dom/little girl thing, because it is echoed so easily and persistently on places like Tumblr. So I thought I would take a stab at defining not it, but the elements where it tends to break away from D/s or BDSM and become it’s own genre.
Stating the obvious similarities at this point could get boring, so I will condense it to the basics of “the Dom has a protecting role, the sub enjoys the freedom of not having to make decisions” and leave it at that. You all know what the basics of D/s are. So what makes Daddy Dom/little girl different?
I truly think that it is sex. Now I know the immediate reaction is going to be “Hey, D/s and BDSM are about sex” but Daddy Dom/little girl is REALLY about sex. Sex is the glue that holds it together. Let me explain.
There are many BD events where women are tied, even in ways that would make sex impossible. Shibari is frequently that way, as is suspension bondage. I understand that the psychology at work here is that the woman is slowly and inexorably made to lose her freedom, and the end result is an intense liberation caused by the absolute lack of control afforded to her. I get that. And there’s undoubtedly sex later. But at the event, sex isn’t the goal, it’s a side effect.
At SM events it’s the same, and while they often involve restraints of some sort the intention is the relation of pain to physical pleasure, both in the receiver where there is a direct “short circuit” of the pleasure/pain response and with the giver where there is a gratification in the giving of pain. These events rarely if ever involve sex in a genital to genital sense.
But in a Daddy Dom/little girl relationship, sex IS the goal. If the woman is tied down, she is tied in such a way so that she is fuckable and usable. If there is a spanking or swat on the ass or slap or other pain element it is there to highlight what is happening to her, or to cause her to admit something out loud, or it is to force her into action. The elements of SM and BD are there but they are there with different goals and different intentions. I think this is why when you see a Daddy Dom or little girl post images and thoughts, it frequently involves anal sex (a mixture of taboo, pleasure and pain) face cumming (a total acceptance on the part of the woman, plus a display of ownership/control from the male) deep throating (ownership and control) group sex (the woman accepting her role as a fuck toy) being held down (the woman being controlled directly by the man) and “functional” bondage (where the woman is being used or is at least available to be used).
Which also brings into play one of the absolutely critical elements of the Daddy Dom/little girl dynamic, and that is COMPLETE control and COMPLETE trust. The little girl is giving herself to her Daddy in every way and offers herself up to his any pleasure, while she gets absolute safety, total protection, and a shield between her and the harshness of the outside world. Little girls are sluts, and the Daddy needs to allow/encourage/make her act out on her sluttiness but in such a way where she has no concerns, no worries, and no responsibility. HE makes the decisions, but the decisions he makes are with HER lusts and desires as the goal. He gives an order, she follows it. He knows what she wants, she gets to enjoy the ride without the burden of responsibility or worry, and they both benefit.
What are your thoughts? And do you have a different take, or an easier way to explain this to someone?
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